There are so many things I want to say to the world but it doesn't come natural to me to do it. I think things a lot but I have never been comfortable to say them. Some are happy, like "i love my life," some are hyper-critical, "why can't I get myself happy" some are bitter, "Shut the f*ck up!" (in the bad way, not the shocking way)
So lets start with the happy...
I'm 28 and totally independent. I live my life the way I want to. I am not saying I go out and take crazy trips or party like a rockstar. I like being home and taking it easy. My ideal vacation is a beach house, and a book, maybe a beer or two, but definitely low key. My brain functions so fast all the time that when I have the opportunity to relax I take full advantage. Some people don't understand my complete hatred for going out since I partied so much for so long but its like eating to much Chipotle. When I have to much Chipotle in a time period, I get sick at the thought of it after a while. I spent ten years going crazy, I want to relax.
Hyper-critical...
I expect nothing less than 150%. When I am not performing at that level I get aggravated. I think that is why I don't do things out of my comfort zone. If I am not good at it I get angry. Being happy is one of those things. I subconsciously sabotage things that make me happy (i.e. relationships) because I am not good at being happy. I'm not saying I am good at being miserable or that I even like to be miserable but when things start going well, I do something that ruins the good.
Bitter (i.e. Shut the f*ck up)
When things don't go the way I expect them to, it pisses me off. I am such a control freak that when things don't go the right way (my way) I get pissed and want to yell. I have a difficult time not freaking out. I think this is something that gets worse the older I get. Aren't you supposed to get ore patient over time, I am the reverse.
Life is good for me, I just have to try to remember that.
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